I really can't believe it's already been 3 whole months since Jayden was born and about that long since i've posted. I honestly really haven't felt the need. Not too much has happened really. I started working about 2 weeks after Jaydens funeral at Noodles and Company. I really love the people I work with and the atmosphere at that place! It's was really hard jumping so quickly back into things but I'm so glad I did it. I plan to take a couple classes at slcc in January and then just continue to work.
Cory finished his first semester at slcc a couple weeks ago. He starts back up in January as well. We got an apartment at the beginning of this month and love it. It's good to be out on our own. We have Tucker here with us but left Sadie at our parents. Trust me she's much happier there being able to run around in their backyard than she was here in this tiny apartment. Tucker couldn't be any happier though, he loves being inside :)
Our christmas was really good. Great food, family, and friends. The only thing that was missing was Jayden. It really sucks not being able to have him during times like this, making memories and what not. I can't help thinking what cute little pj's we'd have him in on christmas eve and what presents santa would bring him. I hear and see how much fun my brothers and sister's have with their kids on christmas, It hurts not being able to share that experience.
Jayden's due date would have been the 31st of this month. Two days away. Time really does fly. I really miss that cute little boy. I really don't wish this pain on anyone. I know that it's only making me stronger, but sometimes I just wish things were different. This really isn't easy.
Everyone keeps telling me how strong I am. How they don't understand how calm i can be. I do cry, I do break down, I do lay in bed just thinking about Jayden. I do miss him EVERYDAY. But i do feel him around me. Watching over me and cory. He pulls me out of bed in the morning to go to work. I know he's there when i'm hurting. He gives me strength to pull it together and make it through things one day at a time. He's fulfilling something way more important than being on this stupid earth.
So there it is, 3 months later. Things are still hard. And I'm sure things won't ever heal but I hope one day I can feel peace about all of this. Cory and I look forward to being parents. I know we will be great parents one day. Not taking anything for granted and being okay with the sucky pregnancy or the 4 hours of sleep we get at night. I will be a mom one day.
