Perfect Little Boy

Jayden Dale Sharp was born Saturday September 17th at 7:42 am, He was 1.5 pounds, and was about 11 inches long! I went into labor and deliver at 9 at night, finally got an IV in at around 11. Earlier that day my doctor had inserted 5 sticks of seaweed in my cervix to try and get things going. After they got the IV in they gave me cytotec which is supposed to help dilate and  soften my cervix. I expected Jayden to take a little while to come, i started having contractions on my own in the middle of the night (they hadn't even started pitocin yet) and finally asked for an epidural at 4:30 am thinking i wanted to rest so i'd have my strength to push later that evening (i hadn't really slept). I never expected to have him so early! My water broke on it's own at 6:30 am and less than an hour later i was dilated to a 7. It only took me three pushes and Jayden was out!

When i first saw him I knew he was gone. I was so overcome with emotion, I can't even explain how I was feeling. He was so sweet, he looked so peaceful. His nose was the only thing that wasn't bruised which was so special to me because that has always been my favorite feature since his ultrasounds. We quickly noticed he has his daddy's feet (Cory's middle toe is noticeably larger than his big toe). I was really scared to handle him as he was so small and his skin was so fragile. We had my parents and cory's parents there. They got a chance to hold him. We gave him a fathers blessing. And cory even got a chance to bathe him.

I can't express enough how much I love Jayden. He is and will always be my little angel. He made the biggest impact on my life. I will miss getting to hold him and watch him grow, but i know he is in better hands. I know he's up there with my grandparents and cory's, and i'm sure he's telling his future siblings how excited we are to meet them.

When we left this hospital it was pretty hard. Most mom's leave with their babies. I was leaving with a teddy bear and some flowers. The first night i remember just crying wishing i could hold my little boy. I know the next few months and even years will be hard but I have many who support and love me.

We held a funeral Yesterday Friday the 23rd. We had tons of support! Thank you so much who came and gave us love. Cory and I are so blessed. I can't say that enough. Dallas Stratton, a friend of ours, read a poem by an unknown artist that i think fit perfectly;

Daddy please dont look so sad,
Mommy please dont cry,
I am in the arms of jesus
and he sings me lullibies.
Please do not try to question god,
dont think he is unkind.
Dont think he sent me to you,
and then he changed his mind.
you see im special,
and im needed above
im the special child you gave him,
the product of your love.
ill always be there with you.
so watch the sky at night,
find the brightest star that's gleaming,
thats my halo's brilliant light.
so daddy please dont look so sad,
mommy please dont cry,
im in the arms of jesus
and he sings me lullibies.

Here's a few pictures from the hospital. Again thank you to everyone involved with funeral arrangements and support. I feel so blessed.

 

Jayden's Arrival

The past few weeks Cory and I have done A LOT of praying, talking to doctors and family, and also to our bishop. After all we have done we've made a decision based upon our experience. We are going to induce Jayden on friday september 16th. I will be 25 weeks pregnant and we will hopefully see our son alive for a few moments before he passes on to heaven.


Jayden is our little angel. He has taught me to make the best out of what seems to be the worst experience. He has given me strength in all things. He has given me a new perspective on life in which I am so grateful for. He has shown me how many people care about me in my life which I never realized was more than I thought. He has given me compassion towards others, and i now will never take the "little" things for granted. I look at little kids that have disabilities differently than I did before. They are perfect and i know if Jayden could have a full life he would be just as perfect as they are. Cory and I have taken the past few weeks to make memories with Jayden. Some of his experiences include taking a trip to Texas with his aunt Daleen and uncle Brian and cousins, going to the zoo, watching his daddy win the full throttle disc golf tournament (which i'm sure he's so proud of his dad), he got to go to the iron county fair and ride the ferris wheel, he spent time at the ranch with what we know would have been his best friend growing up Ashton Wills, along with many other experiences. Jaydens life is so short but yet so meaningful in my eyes. He has touched my life in so many ways. I'm learning something new everyday and I pray to god giving thanks to him for giving me this little angel.

We are planning a funeral for him the morning of Friday the 23rd, I'm still not sure on the details yet but will make sure to let family and close friends know as soon as I can. I again thank all who have been keeping us in your thoughts and prayers. I know this would not be as easy without all of the support we have.

Doctors Appointment

So we had a doctors appointment last wednesday. We got a little more info on Jaydens case. The doctor pretty much said his is lethal, and will be lucky if he even makes it to full term. She's recommending we induce labor early due to many different things. One being we have a greater chance seeing Jayden alive in his earlier weeks because the bigger he gets the more his half a heart has to support. There are so many different cases I've been reading about but I can't compare. Jayden's is so different and Cory and I both have come to the conclusion that we need to make our own decision based on whats best for all of us.

She gave us a number to call for a program called Angel Watch which is a free program founded by Intermountain Health Care for cases like Jayden's. A nurse came and talked to us about birthing plans and how to make funeral arrangements. It was really helpful since I have no idea what the heck i'm doing this being my first pregnancy/labor and I've never planned a funeral before nor thought I'd have to at 21 years old.

It's things like this where I'm so lucky to have all the support that I do. I would be so lost in this if it weren't for people who start amazing programs like these. I've also read alot of stories of babies that don't make it including Meredith Mullen's blog which has given me much comfort. I also can't express how grateful I am to have such a supportive family!! Cory and I are truely blessed!